Emotional Scammer

 Is there such a thing ? even if there isn't, i believe there is. In this lifetime, i've been through several emotional scams. HAHA

I don't trust people that easily, but once i decide to trust them, i give them my everything. like i pour out my heart and soul; and carry whatever burden and difficulties they have with me as well.

But there are times when my judgement get the best of me and i turn out getting treated in a way that hurts me deeply. I get confused tho, do you think they did that intentionally ? knwoing it would hurt me the way it did ? or is it logical to claim that it was unintentional?

I feel like it would hurt me more to know if it was unintentional. isnt that just way too cruel ? it's basically saying 

"i dont know you that much, nor do i care about you that much. i am just being me, and yeah, sorry if that hurt you, but this is me, i can't change me"

Hunneyh, people do change, they change for the better, for the people they care and love, because they appreciate them and know they get the same in return.

Isnt is sad tho, you think, this is what love is about, its kind, beautiful, lovely, full of misunderstandings yet full of equal hardwork to keep making it work, which makes it even more intricate and amazing. But then you realize, it's not mutual, the effort is not mutual, the reflection to be better isnt mutual, the care and thought you put for that person is not mutual.

its literally like a scam, cause you won't ever know it, until you're really deep in it.

but to be fair kan, i dont know la, i dont understand people anymore, i dont want to understand people anymore, even when i'm hurting, i feel bad for hurting, i feel the need to empathize and understand why that person is hurting me which in a way kinda invalidates my hurt, does it ? or does it not ?

what do i do with pain that lingers and lurk every step i take in life ? do i have to go thru this again and again, do i even have the capacity and capability to face this ?

can i stop making myself feel this way somehow ? maybe not, maybe yes, i literally have no ide anymore. 

i 

dont

know