random heart chants

heart, this heart, it beats daily, not yet a beat has it skipped,
yet me, myself has always constantly forget the one that allows this heart to beat,
me, i cannot blame anyone else for this dementia of mine,
but the one to blame is my own self for making choices that lead to this,
choices, life has always been about choices, even to the wee bit of life,
eat, sleep, do, work, learn, speak, walk, think, remember, forget, love, hate,
it was always a choice, one good and one bad,
and if today i feel that my life is meaningless, empty,
then dear self , has there been a wrong choice in life ?
i dare not say that i haven't 
yet to admit that i have, oh such a shame to bear,
though i know, and i see and i remeber the wrong choices i made,
i wish to erase each of it from my memory, as it showers me with guilt, when i remember what i did.
when i remember ? how about when i don't.
do the guilt follows me daily, hourly, each and every second of my life,
though it is a shame for me to admit, i must say, that to forget the guilt is happens way too easy,
and that, that being easy to forget is a sign that i am greatly lacking of something that gives purpose to this life.

the luster, the shine, the gleam of what others hearts have, is what i seek,
yet the journey i take to seek for it, is not a simple one,
it is filled with twists and turns that i myself get confused,
where should i actually turn,
therefore i sink and i drown, yet i do not die,
and just because of that i could not be any more grateful than i am,
this is because, i've been given the chance to continue to try and try and try,
eventhough failure has knocked too many times.
the only thing that i regret most,
is the failure which is caused by non other than me.