Random rants: tears

It's really hard to keep tears from falling

It's like something's stuck in my throat

I want to explain why I'm sad but it doesn't come out in words.

So the tears fall at last, cause only that explains my feelings best.

Discovery after discovery,

Being treated and tested this way,

It pushes me way beyond my limits.

I can't pretend to be strong all the time

I guess people don't take me seriously.

I put my heart out, i make myself vulnerable, 

which are things that i can hardly do.

Most of the time, I'm superficial, 

i don't let people near me beyond what i let them see.

I talk a lot as if I'm sharing a lot about me, but no. 

I'm just talking about superficial things.

Going deeper takes great effort.

I am super insecure, so not many people know me in and out.

Yet, no matter how many times i try to put myself out there, 

ready to build a bridge of trust, 

everyone else just tears it down easily.

Seeing that bridge falling to pieces, 

the bridge that took my utmost efforts and sincerest emotions to build torn down.

It hurts.

Hurts to the points of tears.

Why? 

Why me?

Ya Allah, I'm sorry for being weak. Help me see the reason behind these tests. 

Help me rise from this and be a better person. Only in you i trust.

At the end all i can say is

"I know i am not your favorite chapter in your written book, but i hope you can sometimes smile when you flip through the pages that i was still apart of"

the end.