Hakuna Matata

 its really hard trying to not question why do i deserves this why do i have to go thru this but sometimes i find my own answers there's always space to better but it doesn't mean all the bad things will go away when u strive to better bad things will continue to happen cause bad things are what reminds you to always try to be better its kinda like a notification from god everytime i question things, i start to think of my imperfect solah, my half-hearted dua, my non-existence sunnah, my quiet zikr. the only time that i truly desperately call out to Him is when i want to question why does these things happen to me but before i open my mouth i am humbled by my own deeds that are as bare minimum as possible who am i to question what He gives me when i dont do much for Him too it feels good to trust that a higher being is watching over you and in control of what happens and knows what is best for you but that trust must be fulfilled with trust in ourselves as well. we must work to...

 Is there such a thing like loving someone so selflessly, and unconditionally. We live in a really selfish world and i find that i am selfish sometimes too. Is it bad to be selfless only when someone is selfless to you too. Is it bad to not take the first step to be selfless but wait for other people to be selfless first. I think that's just me and my heart waiting for our values to be confirmed of being worthy and valuable enough to someone for them to be selfless. Do i really deserve a selfless and unconditional love ? i hope i do and if i cant be selfless to people, i hope my heart is big enough to always be selfless to Allah and always always remember all these bounties are all from him. Good luck out there shakirah.

Never thought there would actually come a day where we celebrate eid, the way we did yesterday. it was simple, close knit, no balik kampung, no going from one house to another house. Just a meal with close family and those few that couldn't go back to their parents. It's both sad and eye-opening too. It's sad because we all know deep down that raya can be so much more, involve more family, visiting those we don't usually visit, ensuring bonds are not broken, wishing well for everyone.  But it's surprisingly eye opening because it wasn't as sad as it sounds, mainly because, through all of this, we have learnt to be more grateful of what we do have.We have a roof upon our head, good food served on the table, have people we love and who loves us too whether near or far, some social interaction and good health alhamdulillah. The act of being grateful has made us all more positive, more thankful and not as sad as all of us expected to be, because at the end of the d...

Hey it's been a while, and it's been a tough and lonely month, but it is absolutely necessary. i truly pray and hope that everyone is coping and finding the joys in the little things. One thing that sparks joy for me right now, is a nice sweet drink. Not that healthy, but it makes me happy. Plus we're fasting anyways, so nothing wrong with a cup of sweetness. Anyways, what i really want to talk about is about love. Yeah i know, i always write about deep stuff and feelings, but i really enjoy it, and sometimes i wonder if there are other people who thinks the way that i do. all this while, i strongly believe, in the kind of love that makes u a better person, a kind of love that flows through your actions. In my head, with love, there is no way that you would do anything bad, treat those you love poorly. but instead, because of love, you'll try your best to be there, support those you love endlessly, be kind of selfless, able to tolerate and treat them well. What ma...

Dear shakirah, I can't believe it that we've made it this far. These past few years have been equally challenging and beautiful and i believe that every moment we went through are important lessons in life that we had to learn. Therefore, for all the challenges we fought, for all the beautiful memories we created, for all the love we shared, i am thankful. You are an amazing and wonderful person but i doubt that you see yourself the way i do. It's unbelievable to me that you grew up to become this amazing woman with hopes and dreams glimmering in your eyes, its a joy to see that you are passionate, brave yet always so kind and full of heart. You truly are sincere and i know a lot of people are touched by you, inspired by you, motivated by you, that's just how amazing you are. I for one know, you've had difficult and dark days, more than you'd like to admit. you've had days, that no one could even guessed you have ever been through such things in your ...

Hello and assalamulaikum The world is a very interesting place indeed. With all the good things it gives you, ,there are certainly bad things, and these are what comes as challenges to us. Recently i had a bad experience with complete strangers. It's so weird how complete strangers can suddenly judge you and say bad things about you. i'm trying to ignore that fact. i think i'm okay. But what makes me sad mostly is because, why do people sort to negative ways to face things, why not comment constructively, why not share  the knowledge you have. Not trying to be ego or anything, but it's not like i made a mistake or did something terribly wrong. The only thing i did is, i was lacking, but i'm always always open for suggestions and teachings because i love knowledge and knowledge is such a pure thing. Not everyone has the kind of knowledge i have and not everyone has the kind of knowledge you have. that's why we exist in this world together, to share and help ...

Its the first time in a while that i feel like, enough is enough. I have tried to do my utmost best, despite how my feelings kept being crushed again and again. But not anymore. I have tolerated as much as i could and now its time for me to leave. Allah is the best of all planners. I have no idea yet why He sent such great challenges and turmoils to face, but i do not doubt Him. All i can do now, and all I'm willing to do now is just pray. And may Allah help dissolve all pain, all heartaches, all problems and make everything better again. Physically and mentally, i can't do anything anymore, it pains me too much, it kills me inside, i'm on the verge of a mental breakdown. So i'm gonna be selfish and take a step back and focus on living my life, and my life alone. May Allah help me and help us all.

Today i learnt a very important lesson. Basically it's a continuation to my previous post, about self worth. All this while, i always doubted my worth depending on how people treat me. Once they treat me a little off than usual, my usual thought process would be  " this person doesn't value me, what do i mean to that person, how could they do this, am i not important to them, am i a really bad person, what more can i do to be better?" But then i realized i kept degrading myself, just because of how they treat me. How they treat me, doesnt necessarily reflect my worth or my values, instead, it reflects their own values, and worth. So reflect on ourselves, to find things to improve, but do not blame ourselves to justify why people aren't treating us kindly. Keyword, reflect, not blame. 

Like it or not, you do measure your worth by how someone treats you. But your total worth doesn't have to be devalued just because of how one person treats you. If our worth isn't valued by that one person, don't take it personally, instead just understand, that particular person shouldn't have a huge value in your life too. People sometimes misunderstood that the small things don't matter, but the fact is, the small things are what matters most and valued even more. Big gestures, hyped events are good, but those little things that show u care enough, u know enough, u understand enough whilst other people don't is what means the most. My point is, the small things matter. In fact it matters most. Thank you to those 1. Who always reply my texts without me asking 2. Who always ask how I'm doing 3. Who always listens and responds to my stories 4. Always share things that remind them of me To not be ignored, to not be invisible, to be given attention t...

I'm disappointed in myself I vowed to never be the kind of person that i hate But, slowly, that persona creeped into me without me realizing How could this happen ? I'm putting other people in situations that i hate the most I don't want to hurt others how i was hurt I don't want to be anybody's source of pain I feel like I'm becoming my worst nightmare And its scares me so much Is this what i amount to at the end of the day ? It can't be I always wanted to be good, wanted to be kind, wanted to be loving, so that i could be loved. But who wants to love me now ? I wouldn't love me either. Blaming myself is an easy way out But i feel so unhappy. But how, how do i escape this attitude and be happy ?

Life is made out of moments, many small eventful moments in our lives.Of course as humans, we will not and can not remember everything that happens in our life, but what we do remember are these moments. These important moments, especially those that means a lot to us.Most moments fall on special days, or special events or meaningful that happens on a day could define a moment.And don't get me wrong as if i'm talking all about sunshine and butterflies.Moments can be bad, awful in fact sad as hell too. My point here, make every moment count, if its an important day, make the best out of it, cause tainting it with a bad memory will follow you and haunt you for the rest of your lives. If you're with an important person try your best to make the best out of the times you spend. If its an important event, just make sure you try your best to make the moment joyful, cause what happens during those moments will come in flashes in the future and it will either make you smile on...

Hey again It's probably what's best for you I only want the best for you And if I'm not the best then you're stuck I tried to sever ties and I ended up with wounds to bind Like you're pouring salt in my cuts And I just ran out of band-aids I don't even know where to start 'Cause you can bandage the damage You never really can fix a heart Demi lovato "People will notice the change in your attitude towards them but wont notice their behaviour that made you change" Anonymous To be honest, I never thought I'd struggle a lot emotionally. Since my teens i've kinda taught myself to just think about myself and don't immerse my thoughts and efforts too much in other people's problem, cause i cant handle it and it is obviously better to just mind my own business to save myself from unnecessary heart aches. But damn, life happens. Even as good as i was at minding my own business, i cared, i cared a lot, because i loved. And that lov...

I thought i could make you happy I thought i could make you feel better I thought i was being considerate And that's my mistake I thought i was somebody But I'm just nobody. Dream on sister, dream on. I won't ever be enough But it's okay I'll live I just have to accept I am sufficiently insufficient Sufficient for myself Insufficient to others Don't worry Don't do your best to be validated by other human being regardless of how close you are But do your best so that Allah sees your effort and guide you always.

Hello Assalamualaikum Control  The power to influence or direct people's behavior OR the course of events Control truly is a power, power to make sure things go our way, make sure things go as planned, make sure people act the way they are supposed to and generally having things, events and people to unfold accordingly. However, these things are never really truly within our control. As much as we can plan and direct things the way we want it to, random stuff can just suddenly jump in and shove you in the face. Despite the randomness, the sudden encounter, you gotta face it, you gotta handle it, you just gotta do it. And i think the only way to just walk through it and face any random occurrence in our plans, in peoples actions is just to make peace with yourself and understand that ultimately, not everything is within your control. Some things just go beyond that. Understanding that helped me a lot to just wing it when the times comes. Having a plan and having control...

- 34 days to 2019 Hello Assalamualaikum Hey, just felt like typing, like writing. There's this certain lazy vibe hovering around me this week, and i want punch myself for that. Its probably just me, pretending to be all lonely and stuff. My lab is now empty, a lab that used to be full of people when i entered and now, damn, i can hear every little sound, cause i'm practically alone. okay okay, i lied, there's probably a rat in here somewhere too. HAHA. My time here is also about to end, in a few months time, i hope, i'm praying hard for that too. And i just kinda feel like reminiscing this whole year, which was a crazy ride, all jokes aside. 2018 was crazy. To be honest, like really really super duper honest, this year almost broke me. But guess what, i didn't break which is awesome. IN YOUR FACE 2018, you didn't get to me, ehekhekhekkkk. However, i have to admit and i cannot deny, that i have changed, and the changes still shock me and i still can'...

Let me survive With the memories of today Let me cherish All the little things and live on I cannot ask anything That would be too much I'll just pray to god To decide what is best All these matters are way too heavy To simply throw around As it comes with great responsibility Whatever it is I'll take today with me for many years to come Each smile Each sound Each step Each look Each moment I'll cherish them dearly I don't know if i'm being carried away But for today ... 81023042

Yesterday i was myself Today i am myself Tomorrow i will still be myself Nothing is going to change Is being myself not enough ? Am i that insufficient, imperfect and full of flaws ? Is there really nothing good in me you can see ? I don't believe it, I won't I can't be that bad But i can't lie It hurts Much more than i thought it would Every time Tell me, What is being enough to you? Will i ever be that? Note* I am just shakirah Is shakirah not enough ?

it's funny and kind of amazing how the mind works it takes a passing moment a nonreturnable past a person leaving for us to really appreciate what has already happened in that moment in the past with that person why ? well i guess, it's just a yearning, a longing, to want it again. it's not that we didn't appreciate what has already happened it's just how the moment actually meant enough for us to finally appreciate it that way. its kinda like being thankful that we had that moment

Its scary, horrific even How words you say without meaning any harm might've caused harm might haunt you in the most unexpected ways I keep realizing a lot of things in life recently, and my most recent lesson is, Talk is just talk in the end, because when you are finally placed in the situation which you thought you could handle based on all the plans you made in your head, and all the words you spewed out to people. But once you face that situation itself, all your plans crumble, all you thought you could do, you couldn't, all the reasons you gave suddenly become so ridiculous. In the past, when i think about the future, i would have never ever thought that i'd be placed in this situation. I thought i did all i could to prevent things and i even thought that even if it happens, i've got the mind and heart to face it head on. But now its just extremely laughable, because of course, it happened, and when it happened, id just simply say, all the strong min...

If time was in my control I'd pause and stay stuck in this moment What may come ahead scares me While my doubt continuously taunts me And I feel my strength leaving me So i would choose to pause To banish all my fears To clear away all my doubts And to invigorate my strength. My fears come from deep within the fear of doing anything  fear of confronting fear of bursting and most ghastly of it all is the fear of the ripples, waves and possibly a tsunami as a sequel of my doings. My uncertainty is like a cloud of smoke surrounding me sometimes a light mist sometimes a dark gloomy fog And my strength... I guess it's there slowly but surely building it has to be cause I need it to be _early august thoughts