Adulting 101: Being understanding, Being a listener

Hello Assalamualaikum

I realize that telling your problems to someone is a big relief only when the person, empathizes, understands, does not judge and ultimately listens well. A lot of people are introverted especially in speaking up about their issues, and when they finally can tell their problems to someone, and when that someone listens well and truly empathize, that alone would be more than enough. Sometimes people just want to be heard, not given solutions

Before we try to advise, judge or tell them to do things, always always always start with asking. Ask if their okay with the way things are, whats their problem, is there anything making them feel this way, is something wrong. basically always show that your ultimate cause and reason is your concern towards them. this will make them safe, reassured and feel understood. Many times, we are too quick to judge without considering what the person is actually feeling. By knowing what they are feeling we can manage our response better ensuring that we don't say the wrong things and end up hurting them more. I think as grown ups, feelings are much more important, as we actually understand them, and act on them. So acknowledging emotions is a must.

Next is never judge the weight of someones issues because we all feel differently. what seems small to us, could be the biggest problem in someone else life, so we can never compare our problems to them. Understand their issues from their perspective. Always bear in mind that things like pain and hurt are immeasurable things, so don't even try to give a certain measure to it, cause you just won't be able to. Only the person actually going through it, knows the weight of it and how much it hurts.

Learn to be attentive in listening without cutting the conversation short, especially when it involves deep emotions. Actually just don't ever cut in the middle, it really kills one's mood and stop them from sharing. Whats most important is, do not try to give solutions to things that have already happened because that is basically pointing out what they did wrong, and that is not what is necessary at the moment. We are all rational adults that can reflect on our own and realize our own mistakes, we don't need people to highlight it once again. *unless it gets way out of hand and keeps repeating then advise laa*

So to sum it all up
1. Ask and acknowledge emotions
2. Don't judge the weight of the issue
3. Listen attentively
4 Don't give solutions to things in the past

Talking about advise, because i accidentally mentioned it, so i want to get into it a lil bit la. can or not ? can ah ? I know, most people try to advice with good intentions, but sometimes in certain situations and conditions, advises are not meant to be given. It's like giving tips to couples on how to get a baby when they have been trying for years.  It's like telling a 28 year old girl to socialize and find someone ASAP, when she's already pressured with all her friends getting married and building families. Its a different story if they actually ask for advise tho. These things are obvious things that everyone wants, so giving advise on these issues are difficult if not given in the right way, cause its actually a sensitive issue which everyone feels deeply about. And if we don't truly know the extent of their efforts and their problems, how can we dare advise ? *nak advise general je then go ahead la*

At the end of the day, isn't being happy and content the most important thing in life ?

So if they are happy, leave them be. If they are not, then listen, just listen.

P/s opinions are opinions which not necessarily everyone agrees on. There are many different situation that cannot be generalized to fit this opinion. So take whats good and leave out what doesn't suits you