Random rants : Me and I

Not trying to be bitter or anything, but at the end of the day, no matter how much  person means to you, or how they promise to always be there, or how they should naturally just be part of your life always, at the end of the day, you only have yourself. Even if deep down u thought, this person can save me, if anything happens, they'll be there. Well its still true, but beyond that person, beyond the thinkable issues, the last person left is you.

And when that happens, you're the only person you can rely on. No one is actually going to really,truly, forever and always, despite whatever, be there by your side. Well i don't know if anyone actually has that. But clearly i don't feel like so. Again, not trying to be bitter or anything. I have the greatest people in my life that i truly love and appreciate. But no one, can stop me from feeling the need to be super self sufficient, cause i know, everyone has their own life to think of, their own path to pave, their own set of people to be with, and it just doesn't make sense, at least to me, for a person to always always be there.

Maybe there will be a point in time, i might feel that. But as for now, i feel cautious and wary and i can never really let go of myself completely, i cant make myself entirely vulnerable.  And I will always feel there's a need to keep some things to myself. I am a very reserved person. The fact that i even talk to people about my personal stories speaks volumes about how that person means to me. But again, i always hide or delete some parts, just because i can't really bring myself to crack the walls i have.

Regardless of what i say, pushing people out of the picture, I'll always have Allah with me. He knows the past, the present and the future. Hoping and praying to him provides a sense of relief as there is always a higher power which knows exactly what is best for you, when will it be best for you. And no matter what happens, either we percieve it as good or bad, there will always be a reason in his books, either to teach us, shape us, as a lesson or just a gift to for us to be better.