Random rants: Fragile
Do you understand that feeling
When you show people a public facade full of smiles and jokes
but inside your broken
so fragile and so volatile that with the slightest touch
you could crumble to million pieces again
When you talk to people about daily things
just the basic small talks
and once you walk out of the room
and your thoughts start paving its way into the deepest parts of your mind
and before you know it, tears are running down your cheeks
When you're tired of a days's work
and going back to your room is the greatest feeling
but once your inside your room and no one sees
you fall to your knees and break down into the saddest whimpers
When you want to tell the world
how you feel and why you're feeling that way
but you know, they don't want to know
and even if they do, can they handle it everyday ?
or worst, you are just way too tired to even try to explain
all the pain that was built up not just a day or two
but over years and years of emotional heart ache
and a pretense of being strong
and saying you're okay
when ultimately you're not
but only now have you realized that you're not okay
and its too late
cause you're way too broken to fix
too much pain till your numb
denying your feelings till you have finally become
irreversibly dead inside
what do you do?
what can you do?
when you have reached this point of no return?
to who do you cry for help?
P/s- i am reminded that an amazing brother, ali banat who has passed away recently. And it is super amazing how he can let go of all things dunya and chase akhirah and focus on Allah alone. I wish i could be at least half a person that he was and separate myself from all these complicated feelings and let Allah handle it all. But the thing is, Allah will embrace you, Allah will help you, Allah is always there for you, but you have to make that move and take that step forward to make anything change.
When you show people a public facade full of smiles and jokes
but inside your broken
so fragile and so volatile that with the slightest touch
you could crumble to million pieces again
When you talk to people about daily things
just the basic small talks
and once you walk out of the room
and your thoughts start paving its way into the deepest parts of your mind
and before you know it, tears are running down your cheeks
When you're tired of a days's work
and going back to your room is the greatest feeling
but once your inside your room and no one sees
you fall to your knees and break down into the saddest whimpers
When you want to tell the world
how you feel and why you're feeling that way
but you know, they don't want to know
and even if they do, can they handle it everyday ?
or worst, you are just way too tired to even try to explain
all the pain that was built up not just a day or two
but over years and years of emotional heart ache
and a pretense of being strong
and saying you're okay
when ultimately you're not
but only now have you realized that you're not okay
and its too late
cause you're way too broken to fix
too much pain till your numb
denying your feelings till you have finally become
irreversibly dead inside
what do you do?
what can you do?
when you have reached this point of no return?
to who do you cry for help?
P/s- i am reminded that an amazing brother, ali banat who has passed away recently. And it is super amazing how he can let go of all things dunya and chase akhirah and focus on Allah alone. I wish i could be at least half a person that he was and separate myself from all these complicated feelings and let Allah handle it all. But the thing is, Allah will embrace you, Allah will help you, Allah is always there for you, but you have to make that move and take that step forward to make anything change.
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