Hakuna Matata

I want people around me to understand or at least try to understand every opinion I have, and rationalize it with me I want them to feel elevated the way I do when I'm feeling more connected to my emotions, my religion, and God I want those I love to understand why I decide what I choose in life and see things from my perspective and still love me for it I want to improve and be a better Muslim daily side by side with all my loved ones. and I want them to know I'll be with them every step of the way, through all their opinions, all their hurts, all their journeys and stay by their side unconditionally I want to be vulnerable emotionally and be loved for it and I want to see my loved ones be vulnerable with me Being vulnerable is the deepest connection one can build with another. Its greater than trust. I'd like to be free, be truly myself, uncovered, unfiltered, expressive, but in all the positive ways Maybe sometime I might go astray and suddenly act negative, but with our...

 Hi and Assalamualaikum This week I've been feeling much much better, like a lot better. I think I elevated or upgraded or maybe just got activated. This week of all weeks, I really am starting to hold on to this one belief, like truly believe in in my heart, in my mind with confidence. It's like i know it all this time, but it was never truly embedded in my heart. Everything will be okay, because Allah will only give good things to those who believe. Even what others feel like are bad things, its actually a good thing, if you believe and trust Allah's plan. He truly, truly knows what's best for you, me and everyone. Things may get tough, lemme correct that, things will get tough, heck its life and life's a test, of course it will get tough, but its all good, cause its for the better, better you, better me, better endings to our lives. Just keep praying that he guides us to the right path, guides us through every decision we make. We are given choices in our daily l...

I'm feeling like a little itch at the edge of my heart I know what i want I know what i have to do But i cant help but feel slightly annoyed that people will be bothered by my decision Its ironic to me, because my life never mattered to anyone, ever But when it comes to big things suddenly my life will matter to everyone And everyone will have an opinion to give Am i the bad person for hating the situation to come ? It feels fake Like why yall want to start jumping in to my life when I've been doing fine up till now? I am just not the type of person to accept opinions or help or whatever from people i don't believe care about me genuinely. And believe me i have the hardest time to trust, that someone really cares about me I just want everyone to live their own life, like they always had, and continue to act like I'm a distant person that's just living her life too. Is that too much to ask ? just leave me be, like always, like usually. I feel better that way,  I cant...

 it's been one heck of a year for everyone. The world has faced so much together and we ourselves have faced so much personally hence the result is a hella crazy year. So so so much as been going on in my life its seriously crazy, unbearable and sometimes happy too. What a weird year it is. I've received good news, bad news, went through shit and found rainbows. But the shit that happened this year is like the stinkiest shit ever. like ever. no joke. But the rainbows were equally beautiful and pretty too. i honestly am confused about how i feel. One thing's for sure, I'm grateful. The bad things, made me feel sad, brought me down but in the end it brought me peace. While the rainbow, was pretty to the eye, yet comes with pressure to do my best. and the combination of these feelings and events kinda gave birth to a new me. Point is, 2020 is super weird. the biggest problem now is i have no idea how to move forward. Like what do i have to do to push things into a better d...

i want to be sad and sappy, but nobody wants to be with the sad and sappy me

"What are words if you really don't mean them when you say them, what are words if they're only only for good times and that's all" -Chris Medina  I have been listening to this song during my high school days, and i remember these lyrics clearly until today. These words are true, we spit out all sorts of words without considering the kind of hope we spark and enlighten in someone's heart, sometimes we fulfill it, sometimes we don't. Imagine the hopelessness and broken hearts we caused by the hopes we accidentally gave out with no sense of responsibility to fulfill them. I want to blame someone for the way that i am made. I always feel like I'm a difficult person to my family, friends, or whoever who tries to get closer. I feel like i push people away, and i built walls so high that everyone finally just gives up. But that's the thing, i don't know how to let people in easily. The only path is the rough path i created and only i know all the tes...

 No matter what you say, no matter how hard you try to put it into words, it just doesn't get through. I guess if a mind is already set in stone to not accept what you say, then whatever you say would not matter. It would not matter at all. As strong as I try to be, I'm still weak.  I'm not that strong to continue fighting towards a journey where I feel like I'm alone. Of all the phases in life, I have never felt as lonely as I do now. In the past I felt like I have a few faces I could turn to, but day by day the number of faces that I feel confident enough to not feel like a burden to, slowly reduces to a number near zero Yes one, there's only few I'm confident enough to expose myself, to be 100% myself, to be totally clingy and not feel like a burden. And if I lose them, I'm pretty sure I can't stay sane anymore.