Hakuna Matata

1. Love as warm and fuzzy as it could be 2. Happiness, the kind that keeps u smiling even when you want to go to bed 3. Care that melts even the coldest of hearts 4. Affection that makes us feel like the most important person 5. Remembrance that its hard to not think of them in everything we do 6. Effort that surpasses all kinds of ego and time barriers I wish to be and to receive such emotions. I wish there are people willing to share these emotion with me again & again, be it family or friends. I really wish and hope 2020 will be a year of rainbows after the pouring rain of 2019.

Its the first time in a while that i feel like, enough is enough. I have tried to do my utmost best, despite how my feelings kept being crushed again and again. But not anymore. I have tolerated as much as i could and now its time for me to leave. Allah is the best of all planners. I have no idea yet why He sent such great challenges and turmoils to face, but i do not doubt Him. All i can do now, and all I'm willing to do now is just pray. And may Allah help dissolve all pain, all heartaches, all problems and make everything better again. Physically and mentally, i can't do anything anymore, it pains me too much, it kills me inside, i'm on the verge of a mental breakdown. So i'm gonna be selfish and take a step back and focus on living my life, and my life alone. May Allah help me and help us all.

Hi I won't let anyone hurt me I won't let anyone degrade me I won't let anyone make me feel less than i am I am me, if i have mistakes, i should be told about it, and i will correct myself. But if nothing is said, but u still make me feel bad, then, that's on you. I won't be affected. I only accept honesty and truth. I don't do hints, i don't accept hidden agendas. Your either in, or out of my life. There's no option to be around once in a while. So if anyone can't seem to fulfill my principles, feel free to walk away. Cause what is wrong about me, shud be corrected, but if you hv nothing to say to my face, then u just don't care enough about me. That's how i take it.

To me love is, Being concerned when you don't have to. Taking care of a person when it's not necessary. Wanting to know details that you don't really want to know about other people. Feeling hurt as much as they are hurting. Going out of ur way, to make them happy and smile. Love is making time even when you don't have time. It's simply doing things that you don't do to other people, and doing more than what you usually do to other people. And doing things that are unnecessary but you want to do it anyways. To me love brings out the best in you, which makes u want the best for the person u love, and in some moments, you just forget about urself, about what you want, cause all that you want, is what that person wants too. Love is selfless. Love is care and concern. Love is being nosy and busybody. Love is overcompensating. Love is giving.  And love is beautiful. And i feel loved, so loved. I hv friends that love me above and beyond and it makes me c

Sometimes, i hate myself. Sometimes, i feel i will never be good enough. In simple words, i feel shitty. Can i step back from the world, from life, find myself and come back later when i feel better ? I just want to sit down somewhere i like, alone, watch people and cry. I just want a good cry. I don't understand why it's so hard to be confident and comfortable being myself. I feel wounded. Like i am not enough if i am not the best. I feel like there's a pressure that i must be more than normal, extraordinary or simply perfect. What the hell is wrong with me? The worst and most annoying part is, i know these thoughts don't make sense, but i still feel that way

Today i learnt a very important lesson. Basically it's a continuation to my previous post, about self worth. All this while, i always doubted my worth depending on how people treat me. Once they treat me a little off than usual, my usual thought process would be  " this person doesn't value me, what do i mean to that person, how could they do this, am i not important to them, am i a really bad person, what more can i do to be better?" But then i realized i kept degrading myself, just because of how they treat me. How they treat me, doesnt necessarily reflect my worth or my values, instead, it reflects their own values, and worth. So reflect on ourselves, to find things to improve, but do not blame ourselves to justify why people aren't treating us kindly. Keyword, reflect, not blame. 

Like it or not, you do measure your worth by how someone treats you. But your total worth doesn't have to be devalued just because of how one person treats you. If our worth isn't valued by that one person, don't take it personally, instead just understand, that particular person shouldn't have a huge value in your life too. People sometimes misunderstood that the small things don't matter, but the fact is, the small things are what matters most and valued even more. Big gestures, hyped events are good, but those little things that show u care enough, u know enough, u understand enough whilst other people don't is what means the most. My point is, the small things matter. In fact it matters most. Thank you to those 1. Who always reply my texts without me asking 2. Who always ask how I'm doing 3. Who always listens and responds to my stories 4. Always share things that remind them of me To not be ignored, to not be invisible, to be given attention t

I'm disappointed in myself I vowed to never be the kind of person that i hate But, slowly, that persona creeped into me without me realizing How could this happen ? I'm putting other people in situations that i hate the most I don't want to hurt others how i was hurt I don't want to be anybody's source of pain I feel like I'm becoming my worst nightmare And its scares me so much Is this what i amount to at the end of the day ? It can't be I always wanted to be good, wanted to be kind, wanted to be loving, so that i could be loved. But who wants to love me now ? I wouldn't love me either. Blaming myself is an easy way out But i feel so unhappy. But how, how do i escape this attitude and be happy ?

Dont ask about my problems If you're trying to solve them I'm not stupid You think i haven't tried ? Is it hard to ask first Whether i have tried doing this or that Solutions are not at all what i seek Unless i clearly ask for it But if i dont ask for it, I really can't appreciate what you're trying to do It just feels like you're looking down on me for not being able to settle my issues Fact is,  i am totally able to. I only share, just to share. And all these so called 'solvers' Shud just stop and listen Take time empathize The end Did i ask for a solution ? No My cry for help is to be heard. Nothing more. Now go.

I'm in the dark I can't see a thing I can't feel anything I shout and scream for help Trying to reach out to someone I hear voices all around me They're here They are finally here to help me But wait Why aren't they helping ? I reach out my hands I'm crying my eyeballs out But everyone is just passing by One by one Leaving me behind What's happening ? Am i too worthless Too worthless for a simple "are u okay" Or is it just the reality of life You only have you Everyone else has themselves to care about But what can i do I don't care about me anymore. 

Hello Assalamualaikum It's been quite awhile right. Life has been hitting me so hard with so many things, but at the end of the day, the biggest fight and the biggest disappointment is myself. I realized more and more that i have so many internal issues and conflict that needs to be addressed. But i guess i'm so messed up to the point that addressing these issues makes me even more confused. I have no idea what i'm doing, what i should be doing, even what i want is getting blurry. I wish things were easier, i wish i didn't have to think this much. Being and adult, and being responsible to myself, my own little unworthy self, sounds so petty but damn, it's so hard. I dare say, I've never been so lost. I'm not progressing in any aspect at all, except for overthinking obviously. All that i want comes in a package with a long winding road of challenges. But is it worth it ? even if i go through all the challenges, will i get the outcome that i want. Nothing is

I'm grateful for the good things in life, but is it wrong to sometimes hate life.

Life is made out of moments, many small eventful moments in our lives.Of course as humans, we will not and can not remember everything that happens in our life, but what we do remember are these moments. These important moments, especially those that means a lot to us.Most moments fall on special days, or special events or meaningful that happens on a day could define a moment.And don't get me wrong as if i'm talking all about sunshine and butterflies.Moments can be bad, awful in fact sad as hell too. My point here, make every moment count, if its an important day, make the best out of it, cause tainting it with a bad memory will follow you and haunt you for the rest of your lives. If you're with an important person try your best to make the best out of the times you spend. If its an important event, just make sure you try your best to make the moment joyful, cause what happens during those moments will come in flashes in the future and it will either make you smile on

You know how what you go through makes you the person who you are today. Well i think something made me build a super high and thick concrete wall around me, and even if the wall is torn, i myself without realizing it, makes thing super difficult for others. I'm difficult, and i am realizing it more and more now than ever I don't know what to do, is there even anything to be done? Somebody, please love me.

Hey again It's probably what's best for you I only want the best for you And if I'm not the best then you're stuck I tried to sever ties and I ended up with wounds to bind Like you're pouring salt in my cuts And I just ran out of band-aids I don't even know where to start 'Cause you can bandage the damage You never really can fix a heart Demi lovato "People will notice the change in your attitude towards them but wont notice their behaviour that made you change" Anonymous To be honest, I never thought I'd struggle a lot emotionally. Since my teens i've kinda taught myself to just think about myself and don't immerse my thoughts and efforts too much in other people's problem, cause i cant handle it and it is obviously better to just mind my own business to save myself from unnecessary heart aches. But damn, life happens. Even as good as i was at minding my own business, i cared, i cared a lot, because i loved. And that lov

I thought i could make you happy I thought i could make you feel better I thought i was being considerate And that's my mistake I thought i was somebody But I'm just nobody. Dream on sister, dream on. I won't ever be enough But it's okay I'll live I just have to accept I am sufficiently insufficient Sufficient for myself Insufficient to others Don't worry Don't do your best to be validated by other human being regardless of how close you are But do your best so that Allah sees your effort and guide you always.