Hakuna Matata

I've been so hooked up on this concept recently. I dont know why, but i was sorta conditioned to blame myself for a lot of things that happened in my life, and only recently have i really broke out of that shell and see the world for what it is. I can confidently say, that with the knowledge i have at each stage of my life, i have always did my best.  However, my knowledge at each stage of life, may have been inadequate compared to the knowledge i have today, which makes the past version of me a very different person than i am today. Some of the decisions or actions i made in the past may have been what i thought was what's best at the time. Given the same situation again today, i might do something totally opposite of what i did in the past. But you know what the best thing is.. I do  not regret a single thing i did. As from it all I learnt I grew I matured I gained priceless experience It is so very easy to be caught up in a loop or blackhole of thoughts involving what ifs ?

 I think we might have grew up with the misunderstanding that if we can talk that means we can communicate but the more i grow up and observe other people and the way they talk, i realize there's an art to communication which can make a lot of situations or relationships much much better. I think i am a direct person, and i have this friend who is also a direct and quite orderly person, which i believe is quite similar to my personality. Through him i realized that, he is so good at communicating in a sense that he can give out his point and be firm with it, but in the most neutral way ever, that everyone easily accept or acknowledge his opinion eventho we are at a disagreement. So it just ends up always feeling like a normal good and healthy conversation, no matter what. Its like, ohh that's how u think, that's different from me, but okay, noted. Ya know what i mean ? This made me realize that i can be a lot more delicate and graceful with the words and sentences i choose

 Hi, after the last post i just had something click in my mind and in a way, understood, how to be happy, not always, not forever, but as much as can be.  and the key which unlocks it all is something as simple as being grateful. Being grateful changed my perspective a lot, and also help me accept my reality as it is. Being grateful was initially something i felt when big things happen, but recently i kinda learned the art of being grateful for every little thing and that definitely made me a much much happier person.  at first, it took force and practice, to write down three things i felt grateful for that day, and everytime i felt a negative thought, i caught myself and changed those thoughts to the good things instead.  as an example, my clothes might be a little ripped, so I don't feel good about that, i will then change my thoughts into, my whole outfit still looks bomb !  but now, as those little good things are happening, I'm just thankful, i bask in the moment, enjoy it

I've been saying this sentence since my degree life, and recently i am realizing this fact again and again. Why is happiness a choice ? because you always have the choice to choose what you want, remove what you don't want, avoid what's unnecessary, do things that serve you and excuse yourself from things that don't serve you Why keep hurting and putting yourself in situations that don't serve you? However, to be able to put boundaries and know what you want, i truly believe that you need to fully know your worth. You are of high value and you are amazing. Stop beating yourself up for things you don't deserve. Letting go can be hard, but it just might just be the best thing yet. Keep praying and ask God for guidance and He will always always guide you to the best of destinations, best of people, best of life. Only the best for you. So pray and keep moving forward proudly. You definitely got it ! P/s  I'm happy. Alhamdulillah.

 Is it weird that i feel like i want to move somewhere far far away and start a whole new life, hahaha Life is good though, and i'm happy but, i guess covid makes you want some new things or a fresh start so you would call. But cause it's impossible to suddenly start a new life, i have planned a mini getaway to somewhere really near to where i live to get a fresh motivation for whatever life throws my way next. A little trip and getaway, staying a night really near to the beach, i'm gonna sleep to the sound of waves hunneyh. Couldn't ask for more. Maybe a little sprinkle of new, a little touch of fresh, a little change in routines, a little step towards a different place could be all we need to continue striving and thriving. I'll give an update once i return from the life changing (or so i expect it to be, HAHA) staycation. #fingerscrossed

Life is tiring to be honest, we're always going through something, one after another, and there are some little moments in between where magical things happen which helps keep us going forward no matter what. I think it's amazing how those small magical moments make the view of life so much better.  To be totally honest, i think there is much more downs in life then there is ups, but the ups moment are always, worth the down moments. But the down moments they are hella tough. Like really really tough. PENATTTTTTTTTT

Is it my age, or is it my emotional maturity ? i can feel my mind and my thoughts changing, ever so slowly yet ever so significantly. Change is inevitable and change is growth. It is foolish of me to have once been at a place where i could not accept change. I've also been thinking a lot, reading a lot, gathering knowledge here and there as much as i can. I'm learning so much more about myself than i have ever been before. its like a self discovery journey. I have so much potential to be a better person, but i didnt know how, i didnt know what my problem was. Because i was okay in certain areas of life, i kinda developed a certain arrogance that believed i was okay in everything when indeed, there are places where i had much more to learn.  Alhamdulillah i am finally learning. Selfish, ignorance was a silent disease of  mine, and i am so glad to have finally diagnosed it and now undergoing treatment with self-love, thirst for knowledge and learning to love god. Life is a journe

 "Life is not just win or lose, succeed or fail, strong or weak. Reducing our life options to such limited and extreme roles leaves very little hope for transformation and meaningful change" Brene Brown "Surrendering is releasing and letting go of the past, trusting god to get you through it and not letting things be without taking a focused and faithful action" Mizi Wahid "Respect means no one has power or authority over someone else. It means we don't have to agree with someone to love them. Respect means to give someone space to have their own opinions and journey. Respect means to let go. Accept. Not judge. Don't react. Don't control. Let be. Let grow. Respect means to work on your own issues. Respect means to not place your definitions on someone else. Respect means to have your own safe life container." John Kim My take on the first 2 quotes is that, life is not black and white. It's extremely colourful, with different hues and shades

 Hi there Another week has passed and we have successfully made it through. It's not easy, well it will never be easy honestly, but still, we made it. If i want to complain and be all negative, i have so many things i can say about the world, about life, about the country, about the pandemic, but it won't get me anywhere, in fact it will just bring me down too. So, to remain positive and strong through all this craziness around us, around me, i want to be thankful. Being thankful doesn't mean that there's nor problem in the world or in my life. It just means that i'm not giving the time and energy to ponder, lament and dwell in those negativities, i rather spend my time and energy focused on things that i know are good for me and will take me places. So, what am i thankful for ? 1. Despite all that is happening right now in malaysia, which is actually a lot, i feel extremely privileged that i am amongst those that Allah has blessed with a roof upon my head, warm mea

Hi ! From the title, yall already know it's gonna be one heck of a heavy topic here again. But when was i ever light right ? HAHA I think, this is a serious problem nowadays, not just with other people, but with myself too. Social media which is only supposed to be a tool used by us for a certain purpose, maybe reconnecting, maybe gaining knowledge or motivation. But when social media does not give you benefit, its not a tool being used by a user anymore, but the tool is using it's user, to stay on it, to view it, and waste time endlessly on it. That is already in itself detrimental as wasting time with no point and no purpose doesn't get you anywhere. However, the most unhealthy yet very subtle habit that i never realized prior to today, is the act of seeking validation through social media. So many information is out in the open and available for us, however, in social media, it comes in snippets and short moments that don't really give any context. Without the right

 You don't have to be perfect, you don't have to know what to do all the time. You don't always have to be better either, all you have to do is WANT to better, for yourself, and for those around you. Life will not allow us to  take steps forward only, sometime we move backwards, and sometimes we move backwards a lot. But being aware of that reverse or regression in life is the only important thing, because as long as you're aware, it also mean that you want to fix it, you want to be better. Being adults is really complicated, that's why it's really important to take a step back and reflect on ourselves, on how to be better, on what we want, and what makes us happy. Although it seems that we cant control much, but whatever that is within our power to control can bring about significant changes in our lives. My dream is to be a good wife, a kind mother, a wise teacher and attain jannah. I can't control most of these things, but i can definitely do something. E

Dear you Dear me Dear whoever needed this Imagine a real warm hug, the warmest hug you have ever gotten. The kind of warm hug that feels the warmest when you're struggling, when you're in a bind. Well, here it is, that ultimately warm hug, in the form of writing. Dear love,  i know, i know, it's hard right ? everything is really tough right now, it feels like the world is crumbling on you trying to bury you deep in the ashes. I know. You must feel really suffocated, secluded and alone. Everything feels dark and it seems like there is no end to this darkness, to this horrible phase of life. It's really hard, and it feels harder when you don't seem to be able to turn to anybody to show this side of you. Dear, you are not weak if you struggle, you are not a failure if you breakdown, you are valuable no matter what, you are a gem, you are special. I see that, i do, but why won't you see that too ? see how amazing, bright and beaming you are. You can be weak sometime

I think i question myself a lot lately, its good in a way, because i'm reflecting a lot. (Although i still don't know where the heck i stand in a lot of things.) The bad side of things is that, its quite unhealthy for me apparently, cause my brain is way too active, it interferes with some other aspects of life, like my eating and sleeping habits. But other than that, all is good and well. Taking advantage of this time to work out and actually lose weight. However, the good things do weigh more than the bad things. I'm seeing myself in a new light, I'm seeing life in a new light and my relationship with Allah is renewed again. (as usual, iman is an up and down journey for me) I watched a post by asma.nasa telling that we should keep the conversation with God continuously and comfortably. So this morning while waiting for subuh (i'm fasting) i sat down and doa the normal doa and after that i started talking about this and that casually and well it felt good. I guess

Because i just finished self isolation and now still can't go to the lab due to EMCO here and now lockdown, i have a lot of time in my hands. i have been at home for more than 2 weeks. It's really getting at me.  So what do i do with all this time. For most of it i'm trying to be productive and get things done while i can, so when i enter the lab, i can focus on my labwork. But at other times, i've been reflecting and researching so many different psychological concepts and theories and now all i want is therapy. HAHA I just want to be a good person. But that's not easy at all. I think in our society, we either believe we are worthless or too worthy.  To get the perfect balance and really know where we stand, to really understand ourselves and know when to step back and reflect or when to stand up and defend ourselves, I think this is extremely difficult. That line is becoming more and more ambiguous and blurred for me. When is it actually okay to be firm, and when

The title is perfect but i clearly know I'm not perfect. I have so many flaws here and there but i want to be better, kinder, stronger. However, I can't succeed at being great everyday.  Sometimes I'm weak, sometimes i fail and right now I'm just weak. I can't put the blame on other people all the time and not reflect on my weaknesses and my flaws. Cause I'm human and i am weak so i must reflect on my own mistakes and weaknesses.  As much as i am strong and patient, sometimes I'm weak and impatient, sometimes i get hurt and fall down and sometimes i drown and just let go. A little push maybe all it takes for my facade to break and fall into the depths of despair.  But when it breaks and falls... i guess i don't know what to do, with my head, my heart, my mind, my body. I just don't know. 

 Hi and assalamualaikum Life sure is interesting, a lot of things happen in the blink of an eye, and suddenly i am adult nearly reaching 30. I still can't quite believe it that i started this blog when i was in highschool and i am still writing here until today. Sooo, about the title, recently i felt very disconnected to someone i felt i was so close to even tho just for a bit. Initially, i thought, our times didnt match, or that person must be busy, and all sorts of excuse i made up in my mind cause it was not acceptable to me if that person suddenly decided i'm not her cup of tea anymore. After quite awhile, i noticed it, none of my excuses were true, but what i dreaded was the actual truth. I'm not that person's cup of tea anymore. Going through this situation i think i went through several phases with many different lessons that i think is worth sharing. From the very beginning i understood that she has a right to choose what kind of relationships she keeps in her l

I want people around me to understand or at least try to understand every opinion I have, and rationalize it with me I want them to feel elevated the way I do when I'm feeling more connected to my emotions, my religion, and God I want those I love to understand why I decide what I choose in life and see things from my perspective and still love me for it I want to improve and be a better Muslim daily side by side with all my loved ones. and I want them to know I'll be with them every step of the way, through all their opinions, all their hurts, all their journeys and stay by their side unconditionally I want to be vulnerable emotionally and be loved for it and I want to see my loved ones be vulnerable with me Being vulnerable is the deepest connection one can build with another. Its greater than trust. I'd like to be free, be truly myself, uncovered, unfiltered, expressive, but in all the positive ways Maybe sometime I might go astray and suddenly act negative, but with our

 Hi and Assalamualaikum This week I've been feeling much much better, like a lot better. I think I elevated or upgraded or maybe just got activated. This week of all weeks, I really am starting to hold on to this one belief, like truly believe in in my heart, in my mind with confidence. It's like i know it all this time, but it was never truly embedded in my heart. Everything will be okay, because Allah will only give good things to those who believe. Even what others feel like are bad things, its actually a good thing, if you believe and trust Allah's plan. He truly, truly knows what's best for you, me and everyone. Things may get tough, lemme correct that, things will get tough, heck its life and life's a test, of course it will get tough, but its all good, cause its for the better, better you, better me, better endings to our lives. Just keep praying that he guides us to the right path, guides us through every decision we make. We are given choices in our daily l

I'm feeling like a little itch at the edge of my heart I know what i want I know what i have to do But i cant help but feel slightly annoyed that people will be bothered by my decision Its ironic to me, because my life never mattered to anyone, ever But when it comes to big things suddenly my life will matter to everyone And everyone will have an opinion to give Am i the bad person for hating the situation to come ? It feels fake Like why yall want to start jumping in to my life when I've been doing fine up till now? I am just not the type of person to accept opinions or help or whatever from people i don't believe care about me genuinely. And believe me i have the hardest time to trust, that someone really cares about me I just want everyone to live their own life, like they always had, and continue to act like I'm a distant person that's just living her life too. Is that too much to ask ? just leave me be, like always, like usually. I feel better that way,  I cant

 it's been one heck of a year for everyone. The world has faced so much together and we ourselves have faced so much personally hence the result is a hella crazy year. So so so much as been going on in my life its seriously crazy, unbearable and sometimes happy too. What a weird year it is. I've received good news, bad news, went through shit and found rainbows. But the shit that happened this year is like the stinkiest shit ever. like ever. no joke. But the rainbows were equally beautiful and pretty too. i honestly am confused about how i feel. One thing's for sure, I'm grateful. The bad things, made me feel sad, brought me down but in the end it brought me peace. While the rainbow, was pretty to the eye, yet comes with pressure to do my best. and the combination of these feelings and events kinda gave birth to a new me. Point is, 2020 is super weird. the biggest problem now is i have no idea how to move forward. Like what do i have to do to push things into a better d