Hakuna Matata

To me love is, Being concerned when you don't have to. Taking care of a person when it's not necessary. Wanting to know details that you don't really want to know about other people. Feeling hurt as much as they are hurting. Going out of ur way, to make them happy and smile. Love is making time even when you don't have time. It's simply doing things that you don't do to other people, and doing more than what you usually do to other people. And doing things that are unnecessary but you want to do it anyways. To me love brings out the best in you, which makes u want the best for the person u love, and in some moments, you just forget about urself, about what you want, cause all that you want, is what that person wants too. Love is selfless. Love is care and concern. Love is being nosy and busybody. Love is overcompensating. Love is giving.  And love is beautiful. And i feel loved, so loved. I hv friends that love me above and beyond and it makes me c...

Sometimes, i hate myself. Sometimes, i feel i will never be good enough. In simple words, i feel shitty. Can i step back from the world, from life, find myself and come back later when i feel better ? I just want to sit down somewhere i like, alone, watch people and cry. I just want a good cry. I don't understand why it's so hard to be confident and comfortable being myself. I feel wounded. Like i am not enough if i am not the best. I feel like there's a pressure that i must be more than normal, extraordinary or simply perfect. What the hell is wrong with me? The worst and most annoying part is, i know these thoughts don't make sense, but i still feel that way

Today i learnt a very important lesson. Basically it's a continuation to my previous post, about self worth. All this while, i always doubted my worth depending on how people treat me. Once they treat me a little off than usual, my usual thought process would be  " this person doesn't value me, what do i mean to that person, how could they do this, am i not important to them, am i a really bad person, what more can i do to be better?" But then i realized i kept degrading myself, just because of how they treat me. How they treat me, doesnt necessarily reflect my worth or my values, instead, it reflects their own values, and worth. So reflect on ourselves, to find things to improve, but do not blame ourselves to justify why people aren't treating us kindly. Keyword, reflect, not blame. 

Like it or not, you do measure your worth by how someone treats you. But your total worth doesn't have to be devalued just because of how one person treats you. If our worth isn't valued by that one person, don't take it personally, instead just understand, that particular person shouldn't have a huge value in your life too. People sometimes misunderstood that the small things don't matter, but the fact is, the small things are what matters most and valued even more. Big gestures, hyped events are good, but those little things that show u care enough, u know enough, u understand enough whilst other people don't is what means the most. My point is, the small things matter. In fact it matters most. Thank you to those 1. Who always reply my texts without me asking 2. Who always ask how I'm doing 3. Who always listens and responds to my stories 4. Always share things that remind them of me To not be ignored, to not be invisible, to be given attention t...

I'm disappointed in myself I vowed to never be the kind of person that i hate But, slowly, that persona creeped into me without me realizing How could this happen ? I'm putting other people in situations that i hate the most I don't want to hurt others how i was hurt I don't want to be anybody's source of pain I feel like I'm becoming my worst nightmare And its scares me so much Is this what i amount to at the end of the day ? It can't be I always wanted to be good, wanted to be kind, wanted to be loving, so that i could be loved. But who wants to love me now ? I wouldn't love me either. Blaming myself is an easy way out But i feel so unhappy. But how, how do i escape this attitude and be happy ?

Dont ask about my problems If you're trying to solve them I'm not stupid You think i haven't tried ? Is it hard to ask first Whether i have tried doing this or that Solutions are not at all what i seek Unless i clearly ask for it But if i dont ask for it, I really can't appreciate what you're trying to do It just feels like you're looking down on me for not being able to settle my issues Fact is,  i am totally able to. I only share, just to share. And all these so called 'solvers' Shud just stop and listen Take time empathize The end Did i ask for a solution ? No My cry for help is to be heard. Nothing more. Now go.

I'm in the dark I can't see a thing I can't feel anything I shout and scream for help Trying to reach out to someone I hear voices all around me They're here They are finally here to help me But wait Why aren't they helping ? I reach out my hands I'm crying my eyeballs out But everyone is just passing by One by one Leaving me behind What's happening ? Am i too worthless Too worthless for a simple "are u okay" Or is it just the reality of life You only have you Everyone else has themselves to care about But what can i do I don't care about me anymore.