Hakuna Matata

1. Love as warm and fuzzy as it could be 2. Happiness, the kind that keeps u smiling even when you want to go to bed 3. Care that melts even the coldest of hearts 4. Affection that makes us feel like the most important person 5. Remembrance that its hard to not think of them in everything we do 6. Effort that surpasses all kinds of ego and time barriers I wish to be and to receive such emotions. I wish there are people willing to share these emotion with me again & again, be it family or friends. I really wish and hope 2020 will be a year of rainbows after the pouring rain of 2019.

Its the first time in a while that i feel like, enough is enough. I have tried to do my utmost best, despite how my feelings kept being crushed again and again. But not anymore. I have tolerated as much as i could and now its time for me to leave. Allah is the best of all planners. I have no idea yet why He sent such great challenges and turmoils to face, but i do not doubt Him. All i can do now, and all I'm willing to do now is just pray. And may Allah help dissolve all pain, all heartaches, all problems and make everything better again. Physically and mentally, i can't do anything anymore, it pains me too much, it kills me inside, i'm on the verge of a mental breakdown. So i'm gonna be selfish and take a step back and focus on living my life, and my life alone. May Allah help me and help us all.

Hi I won't let anyone hurt me I won't let anyone degrade me I won't let anyone make me feel less than i am I am me, if i have mistakes, i should be told about it, and i will correct myself. But if nothing is said, but u still make me feel bad, then, that's on you. I won't be affected. I only accept honesty and truth. I don't do hints, i don't accept hidden agendas. Your either in, or out of my life. There's no option to be around once in a while. So if anyone can't seem to fulfill my principles, feel free to walk away. Cause what is wrong about me, shud be corrected, but if you hv nothing to say to my face, then u just don't care enough about me. That's how i take it.

To me love is, Being concerned when you don't have to. Taking care of a person when it's not necessary. Wanting to know details that you don't really want to know about other people. Feeling hurt as much as they are hurting. Going out of ur way, to make them happy and smile. Love is making time even when you don't have time. It's simply doing things that you don't do to other people, and doing more than what you usually do to other people. And doing things that are unnecessary but you want to do it anyways. To me love brings out the best in you, which makes u want the best for the person u love, and in some moments, you just forget about urself, about what you want, cause all that you want, is what that person wants too. Love is selfless. Love is care and concern. Love is being nosy and busybody. Love is overcompensating. Love is giving.  And love is beautiful. And i feel loved, so loved. I hv friends that love me above and beyond and it makes me c...

Sometimes, i hate myself. Sometimes, i feel i will never be good enough. In simple words, i feel shitty. Can i step back from the world, from life, find myself and come back later when i feel better ? I just want to sit down somewhere i like, alone, watch people and cry. I just want a good cry. I don't understand why it's so hard to be confident and comfortable being myself. I feel wounded. Like i am not enough if i am not the best. I feel like there's a pressure that i must be more than normal, extraordinary or simply perfect. What the hell is wrong with me? The worst and most annoying part is, i know these thoughts don't make sense, but i still feel that way

Today i learnt a very important lesson. Basically it's a continuation to my previous post, about self worth. All this while, i always doubted my worth depending on how people treat me. Once they treat me a little off than usual, my usual thought process would be  " this person doesn't value me, what do i mean to that person, how could they do this, am i not important to them, am i a really bad person, what more can i do to be better?" But then i realized i kept degrading myself, just because of how they treat me. How they treat me, doesnt necessarily reflect my worth or my values, instead, it reflects their own values, and worth. So reflect on ourselves, to find things to improve, but do not blame ourselves to justify why people aren't treating us kindly. Keyword, reflect, not blame. 

Like it or not, you do measure your worth by how someone treats you. But your total worth doesn't have to be devalued just because of how one person treats you. If our worth isn't valued by that one person, don't take it personally, instead just understand, that particular person shouldn't have a huge value in your life too. People sometimes misunderstood that the small things don't matter, but the fact is, the small things are what matters most and valued even more. Big gestures, hyped events are good, but those little things that show u care enough, u know enough, u understand enough whilst other people don't is what means the most. My point is, the small things matter. In fact it matters most. Thank you to those 1. Who always reply my texts without me asking 2. Who always ask how I'm doing 3. Who always listens and responds to my stories 4. Always share things that remind them of me To not be ignored, to not be invisible, to be given attention t...