of ohana valiente

 Before i get too busy and forget to etch these emotion into letters, i am taking the time today to let my feelings flow into writings. I have always know that i am a sentimental emotional person, but sometimes it does take me by surprise, cause it really doesnt take a lot for me to feel emotionally attached or connected.

My first batch of students ever in my life has reached the end of their journey in classes and have all left for their industrial attachment. Honestly everything felt so surreal, i have been having flashbacks of the little moments with them. They were my sign of growth, proof that i tried my best to do better and give my best despite my mountains of lacking.

i hope my sincerity came across clearly and i hope i did them justice. I still remember how flustered and weird i was in the first class, i went back to my office and ruminated the nonsense i spewed over and over again, regretting how stupid i might look to them. And with the following classes of that subject it was still a handful, cause i barely had time to study and make the slides, hence i couldnt really be creative with my delivery and basically the knowledge wasnt that embedded in me hence i was lacking so much in the delivery but i tried, oh god know how i tried although i might look like i didnt in their eyes. 

so the following semester i tried a bit harder to make class fun, to make them enjoy it a little bit more, but again, it was still limited as i was also learning the ropes myself, i felt like i improved slightly but who knows. There was still so much to improve on, but i could feel and see their hearts opening up little by little and that felt weirdly beautiful. and finally came their last sem and once again, they met me for another subject and this time, time was really limited and again i wanted to do better, at least for them, kinda to make up for my weaknesses previously. Me and my own thoughts hahah liek anyone cares. anyways, i honestly felt a weird joy this time around, it wasnt as nerve-wrecking as it was in the previous sems, i felt like i was trusted a bit more and i kinda trusted them a bit more too and the familiarity of one another also helped a lot. 

Then came the unexpected when they came over for raya to my house, i feel like that was the moment tht kinda really forged our bond and i was down bad already at that point. These kids somehow had my whole heart already which i know is kinda weird but in my defense i am just a sentimental feeler type that cant help it. So, it was such a monumental moment even for me. i was secretly trying to have some activity on my birthday without anyone knowing it was my birthday, but the faculty had to announce my birthday the day before they came, hence they prepared a celebratory cake for me which literally tore my heart to pieces, i was touched beyond words. I am glad i was able to still stand straight and looke somehow normal, cause the  normal me, would have dropped and cried hard on the spot, thank god for protecting me.

So, even in our last class, just taking a breather to look at everyone one last time was already to tear-jerking i literally ran out of the class. plus i had another meeting anyways. But they managed to give me a framed-photo and the slacc rep sent a super tear jerking text that left me crying all the way back home. such is the tough life of a weak hearted person like me.

Basically, they reflected my own journey in becoming better and accepted me at my lowest till i git a little bit better bit by bit. they dont even know how much they mean to me in this little journey of mine and regardless i am forever grateful and indebted for being my first teachers in my lecturer life. and so for now we part physically, but the thought and memory will accompany me for all eternity.

Signing out, rookie me, signing in, grown me a product of meeting these lovely souls.